Stop Complaining…For Your Own Good And For Those Around You

“Do all things without murmurings and disputings: That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world;” (Philippians 2:14-15)

We have all encountered people who seem to thrive on complaining. In fact, if we are honest, many of us may occasionally fall into the habit of seeing the negative side of situations rather than the brighter, more truthful perspective. Often, people attempt to justify their pessimism with statements like, “I know I’m a cynic,” or “I’m just being a realist.”Whether such assessments are accurate or not is beside the point; habitual negativity is not only counterproductive but also harmful—physically, mentally, emotionally, and relationally.

The Brain Damage of Complaining

Clinical research conducted at Stanford University revealed that complaining actually shrinks the hippocampus—the region of the brain critical for problem solving, emotional regulation, and intelligent thought. Damage to the hippocampus is alarming when one considers it is one of the primary areas of the brain impacted by Alzheimer’s disease.

The Body Pays a Price

“A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.” (Proverbs 17:22)

Beyond the brain, complaining takes a heavy toll on the entire body. When a person complains, the body releases cortisol—the stress hormone directly associated with the fight-or-flight response. Cortisol diverts oxygen, blood, and energy toward systems essential for immediate survival, while suppressing non-essential functions.

Though this stress response may seem inconsequential in isolated moments, habitual complaining results in chronic cortisol elevation. Over time, excessive cortisol impairs the immune system and increases susceptibility to a range of serious health conditions including:

-Heart disease (myocardial infarction, hypertension, heart failure)

-Diabetes and high cholesterol

-Obesity

-Stroke (cerebrovascular accident)

In its simplest terms, the physical act of constant complaining can quite literally become a "brain attack," systematically damaging both mind and body.

The Brain Rewires Itself

Why does this happen? Neurologically, the answer is surprisingly simple. Neuroscience has demonstrated that neurones that "fire together, wire together." The more frequently certain neural pathways are activated, the stronger and more efficient those pathways become, eventually forming a default response.

In essence, the brain rewires itself for efficiency. Repeated complaining strengthens the neural circuits associated with negativity, making it easier and more automatic to complain again in the future. In time, complaining shifts from being a reaction to becoming a reflex—a dangerous habit entrenched in both brain chemistry and behaviour.

A Learned Behaviour, Not an Inborn Trait

Complaining is not an innate personality trait—it is learned and practiced. The troubling reality is that its physical reinforcement makes it easy to develop and hard to break. While some modern articles attempt to present complaining as therapeutic, the science tells a different story.

For instance, a 2018 Forbes article cited author Tina Gilbertson's concept of "constructive wallowing"—the idea that venting negative emotions allows one to "clear the consciousness" and make room for positivity. On the surface, this may sound plausible, but neuroscience and sociology reveal a far graver reality. Habitual complaining does not cleanse; it compounds. It fosters deeper negativity, damages cognitive health, and deteriorates social relationships.

The Contagious Nature of Complaining

The damage doesn’t stop with the individual. Complaining is highly contagious. Socially, it infects others who absorb the negativity—often without even realising it—and then pass it along in other circles. Picture someone complaining about a complainer—this cycle is all too common.

In many cases, the actual subject of the complaint is irrelevant. Complaints often reflect deeper dissatisfaction within the complainer themselves. I recall an individual who would complain incessantly about nearly everything. Yet, when asked for solutions, their response was always the same: “I don’t know.” It became increasingly clear that their complaints were not rooted in circumstances but rather in personal unhappiness. Sadly, there was little that could be done to help, and eventually, separation became the only option to preserve peace and productivity.

There Is A Difference Between Help And Habit

“Grudge not one against another, brethren, lest ye be condemned: behold, the judge standeth before the door.” (James 5:9)

To be clear, this is not to suggest that people should bottle up legitimate struggles. If someone is dealing with real burdens, they should absolutely seek counsel, speak openly, and find those who can provide help and encouragement. No one should suffer in silence.

However, general complaining is typically not about resolving problems, but rather perpetuating them. It poisons not only the one speaking but also those listening. Complaining can spread like a social virus, altering group dynamics, undermining morale, and fostering division.

The Solution: T.H.I.N.K. Before You Speak

It’s easy to say, “Just stop complaining.” But breaking any habit requires intentional effort. One simple and effective tool is to apply the acronym T.H.I.N.K. before speaking:

T – Is it True?

H – Is it Helpful?

I – Is it Inspiring?

N – Is it Necessary?

K – Is it Kind?

Though simple, this principle is profound. Many of us have taught this to our children, yet we often neglect to apply it ourselves. The simplicity is what makes it powerful—and most often, what makes it overlooked.

Consider the outcome of your outgo. Learn to find the positive in your circumstances, and if you can’t, then seek to change the environment rather than poisoning it with constant negativity.

Before you decide to vent, pause. T.H.I.N.K. And stop complaining—for your own good and for the good of those around you.